How DuroSport Is Preparing For the Global Recession

As you may have heard, there are problems in the World. There is some Global Financial Crisis (not my fault), and the market is in the crater. As a result, we have to make many hard decisions about the future of DuroSport.

Earlier this week, I attended an emergency meeting of the DuroSport Board of Directors. I was informed of just how profound the Situation is at this meeting. Apparently, we have a case of the Cash Crunch. Now we are having to make changes to the way we do business.

What does this mean for you, the loyal DuroSport consumer? I will tell you.

Effective immediately, we suspend all work not directly related to our “core competencies.”

This means:

  • All new product development is now on hold.
  • All advertising and marketing campaigns are suspended.
  • All research projects are canceled.
  • Sales of our products are suspended indefinitely — we cannot afford to ship and send boxes to retail stores.

So, what are our “core competencies”? That is a good question. There are many things we are good at here at DuroSport.

  • Accounting. We have always been good at this, and we will continue to count things while the economy is bad.
  • We are continuing to accept return merchandise. We lead the industry in product returns. The best part is that our customers pay for the return shipping, so this is much more affordable than sending products to consumers.
  • Angry correspondence. Both sending and receiving. Postage is still reasonably affordable, and we are happy to send angry emails to our customers and local politicians. Those are practically free.

There are many more things that we are good at, but I will not bore you with a very long list. Basically, we are very good at anything that does not involve making a product or selling it.

Needless to say, there will be no Pütz for Christmas again this year. While that may seem like very sad news, there is even more tragic news.

We will soon be closing our Second Life DuroStore.

You can not imagine how painful it is for me to make that announcement. I have loved our Second Life DuroStore as I have never loved any virtual retail department store (and I have loved many).

It is very fortunate that I completed night school this past summer and earned my diploma. I have a feeling I may be in the Job Market soon.

Also, I am writing a book. More on that soon. I have already said too much.

Nero Tarlev's Internet Diploma

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