In my last post, I promised to reveal how we’re turning things around here at DuroSport. Today, I will explain how we plan to overcome almost certain bankruptcy and return the company to its former glory.
We are changing our business model to better compete with all of the new tech companies that are taking over the world. This is what our consultants call a “pivot.” DuroSport’s pivot is underway!
I am excited to announce that DuroSport is now an Artificial Intelligence (AI) company! Both literally and figuratively. Allow me to explain.
We are using AI to transform DuroSport in two ways.
First, we are using AI to streamline every aspect of our business operations. Our consultants assure us that AI will increase efficiency and productivity, improve customer service, and help us make “data-driven decisions.” Best of all, we will make more money. We are most excited about the last part.
Second, DuroSport is actively developing new AI-powered products and services. We have several innovative projects in the pipeline that are unlike anything currently available. We know this because we have created homegrown AI models that no one else can use. This is mostly top-secret stuff, but it is going to be HUGE. Literally, HUGE. In this context, HUGE is not an exaggeration. It is a technical term.
While I am not prepared to reveal information about our future AI products, I can share more details about how DuroSport is becoming an AI-powered corporation of the future.
If this sounds like a massive undertaking, that’s because it is. So naturally, we hired a Big 500 consulting firm to help us with the transition. They are very smart people, but for some reason, we were asked to sign an NDA that prevents us from revealing their identity. We are not even allowed to reveal their acronym.
The Top Secret AI Consultants created an AI Transformation Plan (AITP) for us. Phase one focuses on “the five pillars of AI transformation.” I am excited to share some excerpts from the AITP and my thoughts below.
`Pillar One: Automating repetitive tasks. AI can automate repetitive tasks such as data entry, customer service, and scheduling, freeing up employees to focus on more strategic tasks.`This is pillar number one because it is the most important thing ever. Most of what we do here is repetitive. And we do those things over and over and over again. Things like stapling papers and licking stamps! Also, opening returned products and checking to make sure that all of the cables and dongles are returned. It’s a full-time job for six people. If we can get AI to do it, we can save money and stop answering all those stupid questions about “the union vote.” I call that a win-win.
`Pillar Two: Improving customer service. AI-powered chatbots and virtual assistants can provide 24/7 customer service, answering frequently asked questions and helping customers with their orders.We have tried to automate customer service before, and it did not go well. Many of our support requests were stuck in a queue for months. I’m still not sure how we got them out — or what we did with them once they were free.
But here’s the reality of our situation: Our customer service ratings are so low there is no downside to trying AI. Besides, customers are always asking the same stupid questions. Over and over again! This is another one of those repetitive tasks that AI is going to eliminate. Sometimes I think we should type up answers to those questions and put them on our website. But until we get around to that, AI is the solution.
`Pillar Three: Predictive analytics. AI-powered predictive analytics can help businesses make better data-driven decisions by analyzing customer data and identifying trends, patterns, and opportunities.This pillar is hugely important to DuroSport. We have never succeeded in matching our manufacturing capacity to our demand. As a result, we tend to overproduce. Sometimes, by a lot. Especially when there is no demand (as has been the case recently). With practically zero demand for our products, there is no better time to implement an AI-powered predictive analytics system. I hope the system predicts we’ll make some sales.
`Pillar Four: Inventory management. AI can help businesses optimize their inventory by forecasting demand, identifying stock-outs, and determining the optimal reorder point.(Honest opinion alert) I can still speak freely on this blog, and I will do so now. I question the significance of Inventory Management. It seems like overkill. Mainly because most of our inventory is classified as “stale.” We have a warehouse full of what they call “old new products.” We need to get rid of that stuff. Honestly, sending the old inventory to the Salvation Army (or the Good Will if you are a pacifist) would be easier.
`Pillar Five: Marketing and sales. AI can help your enterprise with marketing and sales by analyzing customer data to identify target segments, predicting customer behavior, and optimizing ad campaigns.In general, I have always been skeptical about marketing, but if AI can do it, then why not give it a try? That being said, I am very interested in having AI predict our customers’ behavior. I have always wondered what those people do with their days.
It is still the “early days,” as our consultants always say. Not everything is online yet. We are still “moving quickly and breaking things.” (the consultants have many sayings).
I will keep you posted on our progress. But, at the rate we’re going, it looks like many of our employees will soon have much more free time on their hands.
